Pay it forward

We are the product of well wishes, investments of sweat equity, and grandma’s prayers. There is no one person responsible for the success we each attain, not even the person staring back in the mirror. We are the meeting of minds across generations, transcending space and time, that arrived to this kairos in human form. I love the phrase, “I am my ancestors’ wildest dreams,” though I don’t know who coined it. Good people don’t “just happen,” accordingly, neither do bad people. That being said, the VILLAGE is essential in creating more good

people, and consequently, positive energy.

Besides members of my immediate family, there have been at least three people throughout chapters of your life who have consistently served as a beacon of hope and a guiding light. I met these people organically, while enrolled in their classes, interning with their employer, or just through a chance encounter at my school or work. Though, I doubt I’ve ever been one to assign these people the title of “mentor,” I acknowledge that the relationship was centered around mentorship. 

One of my greatest mentors, the Librarian assigned to my Cohort of Masters students studying Library and Information Sciences, helped me to navigate life after grad school, find a job, and was a virtual prayer warrior who would send up prayers on my and family’s behalf during times of crises. She would email or call me with words of encouragement and share personal experiences from her time as a student, having just received a terminal degree. The mere act of hearing about someone else’s success made my own that much more tangible. For sake of drilling this point home, it bears repeating: “Hearing about someone else’s success made my own that much more tangible.” Exposure and representation matter. Though I doubt I had as much to offer her during this phase of our relationship as mentor and mentee, I get the sense that she wasn’t looking to make a quid pro quo exchange. She was a lot more invested in seeing my goals realized. I could never repay her kindness, time and energy invested, nor her patience, but surely I can continue to pay it forward. It would be a disservice to her time, energy, and resources invested in me to not reach back and pull another person through to the land of promise. 

When I was a high school senior, we’d have a guest speaker visit on a weekly basis with us to discuss life, love, relationships, and how to navigate it all. This speaker, a parent and pastor, would come and just talk to us, spending time answering our questions about the outlandish things late teens think about. He had activities for and questions for us to answer at our next talk. He was a positive male figure in an environment full of negative male figures. My charter school may have failed us in many ways, but thank goodness for this saving grace. He wasn’t a friend, but he was always friendly. He set boundaries (so necessary given the context) and people respected him. I later got to know his family a lot better, his wife, his kids, I even met his grandchildren. Though I didn’t know him as well as many of my classmates, seeing his healthy family, even with their idiosyncrasies, made me hopeful. Seeing him act on his life’s calling, pushed me to truly investigate what my life’s calling is.

A mentor, no qualifier like “good” needed because either you are or you aren’t, creates a safe space where their mentee can form ideas and grow without fear of judgment. Some of my most profound ideas and conversations to date were with my Site Preceptor for an externship I completed at the end of my grad program. She is an accomplished, information professional who encouraged me to take calculated risks. I failed, majorly, to meet a deadline, which extended my externship, but she helped me to see the benefits in learning the hard lessons early. I’d overwhelmed myself with a hefty workload and tight turnaround dates. The safe space she actively created helped to insulate that blow and in hindsight, the time we had was much needed. I was able to build more reporte with her and learn more about her interests and how I could positively contribute to her life in my role as mentee. I was able to teach her about emerging technologies, new software programs that streamlined mundane processes, and the world of possibilities I was learning about in my grad program. It was great to feel that my ideas were beneficial as I was asked to implement new initiatives that I was learning about and gain practical skills all the while. She and I continue to communicate via telephone and email, years after the fact.

You are not a solo venture, a self-made “thing” existing in a vacuum without influence from the world around you. Maybe you weren’t a Little from the BigBrothersBigSisters program, or pen pals with an upperclassman in your elementary school (shout out to Rozelle Elementary and Dr. Dillahunt for that amazing program!), but there is no way you can boldly attest that everything you are is the sum total of your own thoughts, intentions and actions. Just the same, you have to take stock of the world around you and assume your role as mentor in the lives those in need of guidance, even if you just inundate them with words of encouragement. Science has proven that what we hear consistently, we adopt subconsciously; soon enough it becomes a part of our paradigm. Just by repeating, “You are intelligent” to a young mind, you have reinforced a positive, self image and made an impression on them that will shape the trajectory of their life path. Think back to your experiences, your days in primary school when you chanted Nas’ call and response with an instructor:

“I know I can (I know I can)

Be what I wanna be (Be what I wanna be)

If I work hard at it (If I work hard at it)

I’ll be where I wanna be (I’ll be where I wanna be)”

Maybe those went the words you chanted. Maybe none of this sounds like your life’s narrative. Perhaps you had wolves dawning the mask of mentor reeking havoc on your life during times when you were most needing and deserving of a guiding light. Turn it around. Be the mentor you so wished and hoped for. Tell your mentees of your horror stories, in vivid detail. It’s your charge! Break the cycle and tip the scales. Your story isn’t unique and your suffering shouldn’t go unspoken of; it’s a cautionary tale for the immature and naive who have no idea how cruel those in authority can be when seduced by overgrown egos, toting broken moral compasses. Your tough lessons were not in vain. You can turn it around by consciously choosing to be kind, patient, understanding, and through your willingness to give without the promise of receiving something in return.

One surprising thing I learned as I began assuming the role of mentor to students is that the more you give, the more you have. The giving is the receiving. I know I’ve oversimplified something that might be difficult for some to understand at first, but it really doesn’t easier than that to conceptualize. Through the lens of mentor, witnessing a mentee gain confidence, dare to hold themselves in high regard, go after opportunities they once saw as unattainable, you see the return without ever needing a plaque or certificate of recognition. That’s all your heart needs. You know that there is another heart fully charged and ready to share their light with someone else. That’s the legacy. That’s the fuel and the vehicle. Its everything and more.

My charge to you:

“Start where you are.

Use what you have. 

Do what you can.”

-Arthur Ashe

Thanks for reading.

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